Feature: Reflecting on bereavement during Covid

This article contains discussions of death and bereavement during Covid, please use discretion.

During Remembering Together, we will be sharing a series of articles and reflections on bereavement and death as way of honouring diverse voices and stories on this topic.  Adil Iqbal, Remembering Together’s Storytelling Associate, introduces the series below:

Rumbur Valley, Chitral Image credit: Adil Iqbal

The pandemic has opened the difficult conversation around death and the importance of finding the time to fully grieve and process the loss of a loved one. The urbanisation, industrialisation and the medicalisation of death, has further made our society fragile and afraid of how we think and respond around bereavement. The grief we feel in light of Covid is likely to keep unfolding, affecting us for years to come. There is a danger that the pandemic has reduced our understanding of death to numbers that we see or hear on a news headline.  Through Remembering Together, we hope that the process of co-creating Covid community memorials provides a space through art to convey personal experiences; to express emotions in safe spaces and to celebrate the memories and grief that comes with it.

As the storytelling associate, I was not too sure how to approach the topic of bereavement and death, as personally I had not been impacted in this way during the pandemic, however, the relationship between life and death within folk cultures as always fascinated me - it can provide us with a lens for reflection on how we can cope with loss and embrace grief as a way of being in the world. It can surprisingly unite people and bring them closer. This realisation made me reflect on my own cultural identity and experience of working as a Scottish-Pakistani with indigenous communities in Chitral valley (North-west Pakistan).

The Kalasha people from Chitral believe life and death is a continuous cycle and one should celebrate the departure of those who had lived life to their fullest. The Kalasha sing, dance and drink mulberry wine around the bodies of their loved ones for two to three days before burying them in a coffin. They offer a feast with a sacrifice of 30 to 40 goats to guests who come to celebrate (not mourn) the death. These traditions have always been etched in my memory, as they offer a rich understanding of death and the significance of traditional customs which are passed down through generations. In my grandfather’s village in rural Punjab (Pakistan), the dead body was bought into the domestic space, household members, including young children, were able to fully immerse into death and grieve together. Rituals were key to the way people grieved and with the evolution of modern customs, people can feel awkward talking about death.

Portobello, Edinburgh Image credit: Adil Iqbal

This celebratory custom is also echoed in the practice of Irish Wake, where the body of the deceased is laid in a designated room for around three nights. The family would open the windows for the spirit of the departed to leave the house in peace. The clocks would be stopped from the time when the death occurred, curtains closed and mirrors covered. Local people would laugh, gossip and remember the dead through humour and celebrate by drinking and eating plenty of food. The Celtic people believed that being dead means moving towards the afterlife which is a cause for festivity.  We can learn from our shared folk heritage of how communities used ‘celebration’, ‘humour’ and ‘storytelling’ as a way of normalising death.

This is further mirrored by Dr. Donald Macaskill, Chief Executive from Scottish Care and a member of our Advisory Group who mentions that “The dead and the dying, the bereaved and the grieving, have more to tell us of the fullness of life than we are often prepared to see or willing to be open to”. This dynamic process has symbols of wisdom attached to it, which can be a precious learning resource for generations to come.

I want to give a brief overview on how the pandemic has caused multiple layers of trauma on our communities and impacted a society who was already finding bereavement tough in normal times. The impact on the care sector during the pandemic has been devastating and the effect has been profound. The ban on visiting in care homes and hospitals has brought immense challenges for many families. Staff working in the care sector are vulnerable to prolonged grief. Care staff are in a unique position as they build relationships and establish an emotional connection with their patients, there is a human friendship that starts to emerge, which is short lived. This emotional baggage of death for care staff has been profound and we must recognise this with the fullest compassion.

Additionally, people with dementia and older people’s mental wellbeing has been hugely impacted due to isolation. Many families were unable to say goodbye to their relatives in their last hours, which has left an emotional scar on people and it will take time to recover. There is a strong connection between human rights and bereavement, people who have experienced a death of a loved one require the same support as someone experiencing other kinds of mental health challenges though this isn’t enshrined in policies in the same way.

Work that is being incorporated into government policy, such as the Bereavement Charter for Children and Adults in Scotland is available for individual and communities.  NHS Scotland has excellent resources for people who have lost a loved one or are grieving; a short film by Child Bereavement UK supports children’s understanding of bereavement at different ages.

Part of what we will do at Remembering Together is to share the work of initiatives like Good Life Death Grief who are doing outstanding work on using the power of storytelling, art and culture to demystify death. At Remembering Togethering we are using art and co-creation as a powerful mechanism and language to bridge pain and emotion. Our programme offers creative spaces for artists and communities to share their lived experiences and tell their own stories of Covid, of loss and of the learning and hope that has come from these.